15 11 / 2011
So call me silly, but the whole thing with the girl didn’t end up working out. To put it plain and simple, there was just no magic between us—at least on my side.
I enjoyed her company very, very much and I could, and still can, talk to her about anything. However, when I would hold her (or kiss her), I just didn’t feel my heart beat unusually. In fact, when I would kiss her, I always wanted to stop and pull away. She wasn’t a bad kisser; it just didn’t turn me on.
I dunno how many people I’ve kissed in this past year alone, but I have had a good share of great kisses before and I know what feels wrong and what feels right. With her, it just felt forced.
As always, I told her what was on my mind and how I was feeling, and we decided to just be friends—thank goodness. I didn’t want to pursue something that I wasn’t feeling, but I am glad that I did give it a shot, like I said I wanted to. I was very unsure at first, but now I’m quite sure that this is the right decision. The “what if?” question would’ve haunted me forever had I not even attempted to see if things could work between us.
It also helped me come to the conclusion that I’m just gay. I just love dick, man. My mind was in it, but my body was like, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
Good news though.
There’s a cute boy at work and I recently found out that he’s really single after all. I had always thought he was dating another co-worker of ours, but I found out (through him) that they’re just friends. Guess what train I’m jumping on now? haha
I pulled him into the back fridge downstairs with the excuse that I couldn’t find the apple cider, so he went in to help me find it. I followed. Once he found it, he tried to pass it to me and I just laughed and said, “I didn’t need it really.” He laughed, knowing what was going on. I took that chance to tell him he was cute.
And he is. His name is Nicholas—we all call him Nick. He’s a cake icer at the bakery, probably around my age. I know that he loves Rihanna just as much as I do and he seems really nice. Got his number and gonna see where it goes.
I really love it when I set my mind on things and I end up doing them. My determination is one of my best qualities, I would say.