20 11 / 2011
Many of them, actually. But since you never would put anyone else first, you never realized it. You were always very selfish, you know.
I think about you every single day. And no, not because I miss you, but as a lesson that I have convinced myself never to repeat. Never will I be reckless with someone else’s heart as you were with mine.
And whether you choose to believe it or not, you were very reckless with mine. That just wasn’t fair to me.
I know you think about me and you probably will for a long time. Who can forget the million little good things I would do for you or the many ways I made you feel calm? But that night, you made me reach my breaking point and I said, “No more.”
But you left me scars too, even if you didn’t cheat on me, as I did with you. The other day I got high and I started spazzing out and crying because of you. All I could repeat was, “I don’t wanna hurt anybody else. I don’t wanna get hurt.” My friend held me and told me it was gonna be alright.
I’m sorry I hurt you, I really am. But that single event does not define me. You should’ve seen that. I wish you would’ve seen that. Everything I did after that day was to prove you how much you meant to me, but you let your own insecurities destroy our relationship. And you lied to me. And you would ignore me. And you led me on…
That hurt, you know? That hurt more than you could ever imagine.
I’m moving on. I’ve been going on dates and whatnot, feels good. But I’ll always remember you. Thanks so much for the beautiful memories. Despite it all, you helped me become the romantic I am today.